These blogs aren’t AI, they are written by a real girl

Sooooooo Dr. Samantha Smalls, the lead clinician and the reason why New Chapter exists, thought it would be a good idea for me to put a name to this blog so that y’all will know who was responsible for these wonderful moments of reading pleasure you’ve been getting over the past few months.

Although I like the idea of anonymity, I guess I can reveal my secret identity.

Hello, it’s me – Andriena “Driena” B.

Some of you have met me out in the wild through my work at New Chapter as the marketing and outreach coordinator. Others may know me personally through life, sorority work or being active in the community.

However, if you don’t know me, allow me to reintroduce myself – my name is Hov – I’m joking.

But really, I’m a Hartford native who graduated from Westminster in Simsbury, Conn., then earned my degree in journalism from Auburn University in Auburn, Ala.

I was married to the man who contributed to the creation of my two amazing kiddos (Donovan, 17, and Danielle, 14), then we divorced due to domestic violence (You probably read that in a previous blog…but if you didn’t, why not?! Here’s a link to part one of that story.).

I remarried my current hubby, Matt, who has 3 children of his own – ages 14, 15, and 20. However only his 15-year-old daughter, Riley, lives with us full time.

I’m a music buff with aspirations of becoming a DJ one day. I love social media and playing games on my phone. I’m a painter and Cricut crafter (who currently has a disaster area for a craft office). I prefer to live in my onesies, but I can put a little something together if need be. I’ve been in my sorority, Zeta Phi Beta Sorority, Inc., for almost 25 years, and I love God.

How and ever, I’m here telling you bits and pieces of my life story because I just spent my Saturday at the One Day women’s conference at Freedom City Church – which is why this post is a little later than usual…because a sista felt compelled to pivot right before the previously scheduled blog was published – you’ll get it next week.

My boss wanted me to identify myself to y’all, and to be honest, I was on the fence about it…because I’ve let y’all into some of the dark moments in my life, and it was more comfortable being anonymous.

But there was a breakout session at the conference that pretty much told us that God puts us through some things so that we can use our stories to encourage others.

Now, I’m not saying Sam is a prophet, but I will say she got lucky on this one because the Word backed her up – this time.

If you’re not into all the spiritual talk, my fault…but warning, there may be more to come. I’m not sure where this will go.

I’ve lived many lives as a daughter, sister, mother, wife, writer, editor, model, tutor, case manager, grant writer, high school athlete, dancer, actress, and the list could probably go on.

But the title I wear the most proudly is black woman.

You could give me the option, and in every life, I would choose black woman.

Malcolm X once said, “The most disrespected person in America is the black woman. The most unprotected person in America is the black woman. The most neglected person in America is the black woman,” and in many cases and spaces – unfortunately, it’s the truth.

So, Driena, why on Earth would that be your choice?!

Because, on the other side of that coin, we are beautiful, graceful, resilient, intelligent, driven, creative, innovative, diverse, determined, resourceful, our skin literally glistens, and most importantly, we’re independent.

And the more we tap into that independence, the less we look to the outside world for the respect, protection and attention that Malcolm X so poignantly pointed out in his speech.

We have built communities, sisterhoods and groups that pour into us. We have become the woman we needed as children (and the women some of our ancestors needed). We walk boldly, and we take up space. Well, many of us do – admittedly, there’s still some work to be done within our community.

But I love it here.

Which is why I’m letting y’all know when I talk about being a black woman in today’s world, it’s not some AI gibberish written from a prompt in ChatGPT (OK, OK, the pics are LOL). But the stories are real life. Written by a black woman who’s either been through it, currently going through it, or witnessing a friend – another black woman – dealing with it.

Let’s go back to my why…

In the days of being a hot girl, a scammer or a baddie, we need positive support now more than ever. Our young women see more images of us showing our bodies, twerking and behaving in less than appealing ways, than observing educated, clothed, poised women – and I believe in balance because I can and will bounce this booty with the best of them. But there’s a time and place (and appropriate age) for everything. We need more of us letting the next generations understand that. And we need more of us empowering the women who are responsible for these young women.

We struggle just like so many others, yet sometimes we don’t have many safe spaces to voice our pains, regrets and deep thoughts. Many of our mothers simply told us to suck it up because we had to be strong, or some of us may not have had mothers who even noticed when something was wrong.

But now, black women, like Sam, have created spaces and practices to let us speak on what’s going on in our lives. I love that for us.

We are learning to speak up, to advocate for ourselves and demand the care we need. I wish this was more of a thing when I was struggling in a relationship plagued with abuse or dealing with what was possibly depression. It may have existed, but it wasn’t in the forefront the way things are now.

I will continue to share my stories – the good, the bad and the ugly. But now y’all can put a face to the blog. These posts aren’t just based on a true story; they are true stories. They are the stories I’ll continue to share in hopes to encourage you that things will get better, motivate you to keep pushing and reassure you that there’s light on the other side of whatever it is you’re going through.

I love you sis, and I mean it.

Sending you virtual hugs (if you see me in public, and you need a real one – let me know).

- Driena  

If you're feeling overwhelmed, you're not alone. Support from a therapist can help you navigate these emotions and find practical ways to care for yourself. The clinicians at New Chapter Counseling Services specialize in supporting women through life transitions, pregnancy, postpartum, and everyday mental health challenges.