You don’t need a reason to be emotional

This past week, I watched hopelessly as a nearby home burned. It’s residents in a state of obvious shock and pain as they observed firefighters from the driveway.

As a neighbor who had no prior relationship with them, I stayed inside, hoping and praying everyone was safe and things weren’t as serious as they seemed.

From my bedroom window, I saw 5 firetrucks surrounding the home, responders frantically climbing up ladders, and smoke rising from the shattered windows and chimney.

They used a chainsaw to cut a hole in the roof and for almost two hours, my attention was solely focused on the situation at hand.

Once the smoke cleared, the residents were gone, some of the fire trucks left, our street was opened back up and things were returning to usual – for some of us.

I went outside to ask one simple question, “Is everyone OK?”

I was told everyone was fine, but one person went to the hospital for smoke inhalation. I let out a grateful sigh.

The responder told me it was electrical fire.

I went inside, immediately sent a fire safety text to the family group chat and tried to return to my regularly scheduled program.

Eversource came to disconnect the electricity from the home.

Then, a contractor came to board up the windows, the hole in the roof and doors.

Each and every time I passed by my windows, I saw the freshly abandoned home. It was a constant reminder of how quickly things changed for that family, and how fast it could change for anyone including my family.

The new appearance made me sad, and I couldn’t figure out why.

I didn’t know this family, I had zero connection with them – yet, I felt terrible. My stomach was in knots. My head was hurting. I had no appetite.

I told my husband about my feelings, and he had one simple solution. “Just don’t look out the window.”

Easier said than done. For almost 7 years we lived in this house, it has been second nature to glance out the window whenever I walked past. Then, once I became a plant mom and began to hang plants in the window, it was even more of a habit to admire my beautiful greenery which hung facing the neighbor’s home.

So hubby’s solution wasn’t healthy for the plants, and sitting in the dark wasn’t mentally healthy for me.

I spent the next 24 hours hurting. I even shed a few tears. It got even worse when the family came back to see what could be salvaged from the fire. I watched them gather a few belongings. Then my mind wandered to what irreplaceable items may have been lost, and my pain for the strangers multiplied.

That Wednesday I had therapy (yes, I see a therapist), and the first thing on the agenda was – yup, you guessed it – the fire.

I told her how I couldn’t explain how I was feeling, and how it didn’t make sense to have such strong emotions for people I didn’t even know.

She looked at me confused for a second. Then she said you really don’t know what you’re feeling?

I’m staring at her through the computer screen like sadness? Hurt? Idk.

She looks at me and says, “empathy, and maybe some heartbreak.”

Tears welled up in my eyes, but then I stopped myself.

I told her it didn’t make sense for me to cry over strangers – especially the disruptive neighbors who kept me awake with loud music and arguments many times over the years.

Then she told me something important. I needed to stop trying to make sense of my emotions.

She then told me emotions are feelings, and feelings aren’t logical.

She gave me the space to feel. To cry. To ground myself. And that’s all I needed in that moment.

Not for her to justify my feelings, but for her to tell me I can feel them.

Sometimes, I forget I’m an empath. And sometimes, I feel crazy for having emotional reactions for strangers. It’s easier and heart-warming when it’s happy feelings, but sadness is a beast.

However, going forward, I won’t try to fight those feelings, but accept them.

From now on, I give myself permission to feel – positive or negative, strangers or friends. I have that right, and so do you.

Feel the feelings sis. It’s OK.

If you're feeling overwhelmed, you're not alone. Support from a therapist can help you navigate these emotions and find practical ways to care for yourself. The clinicians at New Chapter Counseling Services specialize in supporting women through life transitions, pregnancy, postpartum, and everyday mental health challenges.