A few ways to make dinner time less stressful

Hey hey hey!

Saturday was the 4th of July - otherwise known as national cookout day for those of us who'd rather celebrate Juneteenth wink wink. 

Did y'all cook over the weekend? Better yet, were y’all on the grill? 

In my family, the men are typically on the grill while the women are in the kitchen prepping, seasoning and making all the sides. 

Is it just me, or are we always in the freaking kitchen? Holidays, birthdays, weekends, any day that requires food. 

My mother is a true southern woman. I spent many days watching her in the kitchen. She made sure we had at least 2 prepped meals a day - maybe even 3 in the summer. She got up before us and made breakfast so we'd go off to school on a full belly. If it was a break or vacation, she'd make us lunch. Then, every night, we'd have dinner.

Rarely, was it takeout or fast food. But, get this, on Sundays, she would get up before church, start dinner, come home after church, finish dinner, and around 6 p.m., we'd have a full spread of soul food awaiting us. I'm talking collard greens, cornbread, black-eyed peas, macaroni and cheese, and chicken or fried fish. If she's feeling extra, there may be potato salad, dressing or deviled eggs for a little razzle dazzle. 

Even when we lived on the second floor of her 3-family home, I rarely cooked for my little family because before I could figure out my menu, mommy would call to tell me what was on hers and invite us down. 

Soooo in 2019, when I moved into my own house with no mommy downstairs, it was tough. 

I'm made a little different. 

I don't like cooking. I don't like being in the kitchen. And unlike my mother, I can't really cook cook. I mean I can follow a recipe, but just throwing something together isn't really my thing. 

Things were touch and go for a while, and there were lots of family meal failures. But then I kind of got the hang of it.

Annnnddd my family is picky. One doesn't like chicken, another doesn't like seafood, somebody else doesn't like this and the last person would prefer not to have that.

Soul food - psssshhhtttt - don't even think about it! They don't even eat it (unless it's my baked macaroni and cheese).

Therefore, our menus mainly consist of salmon, tacos, pastas and burgers. Maybe I can occasionally sneak something new in and be harshly judged by the uncertified food critics during dinner. 

And let me tell y'all…I'm so freaking tired of cooking for these folks. I try to make it bearable by telling Alexa to make me a bomb playlist, and she comes through 98% of the time - you know she likes to act up on occasion. 

But we're only 6 years into my true cooking journey, I don't get up to make breakfast, lunch is also an independent meal, and dinners are whatever I feel like making, and I'm OVER IT!

I dread dinner time.

I hate when people ask me, “What's for dinner?”

I can't stand figuring out what to cook for 5 people every single day. 

And truth be told, by dinner time, I'm already over the day and ready to sit down!

But here are a few tips to make things a little easier:

1. Make it a concert, not a chore.

Love music and dancing like I do? Lean into that.

I usually tell Alexa to play “90s R&B,” “trap music,” or “ratchet music” depending on my mood. But you can create a "Cooking" playlist if you're not interested in letting Alexa decide. Either way, pretend you’re on stage and dance and sing the stress away. 

2.Pour yourself a fun drink.

A little wine never hurt anything. Wanna get spicy? Create a special cooking cocktail. But keep a notepad handy, if dinner is a hit, you need to remember what you did, and too many sips may lead to some forgetfulness. 

3. Use your imagination. 

Treat the kitchen like your own little cooking show. Talk to the “audience.” Make corny jokes to yourself. Will the family think you're crazy? Maybe. Will you have fun? Yep.

4. Stop trying to make a masterpiece every night.

Every meal doesn't need a protein, two sides, homemade dessert, and a standing ovation.

Some nights can be breakfast for dinner, sandwiches and fruit, taco bar, rotisserie chicken and bagged salad, pasta and garlic bread. Feeding them is good enough.

5. Create theme nights.

Try a simple schedule like:

Monday: Pasta Night

Tuesday: Taco Night

Wednesday: Sheet Pan Dinner

Thursday: Breakfast for Dinner

Friday: Pizza Night

Some of the mental stress disappears when you already know what's coming up. 

6. Make your family help.

Unless you're living with babies (even though they will probably cry like one when you ask for help), everyone can contribute. Somebody sets the table, another does dishes, someone you can trust with a knife chops vegetables, and another person packs leftovers. Cooking is easier when you're not the chef, the server, the dishwasher, and the kitchen manager.

7. Batch cook the things you hate making.

Instead of just cooking what you need for the night, make extra chicken, ground beef and extra rice to use in upcoming meals.

8. Lower your standards - just a little.

Social media has us thinking you have to make three-course dinners on a Tuesday, after work, while keeping your kitchen miraculously spotless. Nah sis. Be real with yourself. 

9.Add little rewards.

Watch your favorite show while eating. Buy yourself flowers for the table. Use the pretty dishes instead of saving them for company. Light a candle while you cook. Have a cooking dinner treat. Tiny rituals can make ordinary tasks feel nicer.

10. Don't be ashamed to order out.

If you don’t have it in you, get takeout. Grab a pizza from Costco. Order Chinese. Orrr tell those jokers it’s a “Fend-For-Yourselves” Night. They’ll figure something out. Take a night off when you need it, sis. Ain’t nobody gone starve without you in the kitchen.

I hope this helps, because now I’ve got to go figure out what I’m cooking for these folks. Talk to y’all next week. Bye!

If you're feeling overwhelmed, you're not alone. Support from a therapist can help you navigate these emotions and find practical ways to care for yourself. The clinicians at New Chapter Counseling Services specialize in supporting women through life transitions, pregnancy, postpartum, and everyday mental health challenges.