How to keep boundaries and be a friend

Every once in a while, I sit back and think, “How the heck did I become responsible for other people?”

I’m an adult, but I’m not the most adulty adult, ya know? I’m a little childish, a lot sarcastic and I really don’t know what I’m doing.

In all honesty, I’ve been winging it for the past 17 years (that’s how old my oldest is), but I think it’s working.

How and ever, I’ve found myself transitioning from mom to mommy to “bruh” and trying to figure out where I became the friend instead of the mom.

My kids are comfortable doing things in front of me I wouldn’t dream of doing in front of my mother, i.e. cursing or listening to music where every other word is something inappropriate – even making inappropriate jokes that are sometimes kind of funny.

But maybe that’s a good thing, and it signifies they are comfortable and safe around me.

I mean, it’s cool and all to be a friend to my kids, but where do I draw the line?

So here’s what I figured out: You aren’t supposed to be the mom and the friend at the same time. You’re a mom first, and friendship gets sprinkled in when it’s appropriate.

So when in doubt, remember these tips:

1.       You’re the parent. That’s your only job.

Your kiddo doesn’t need another friend – they probably have plenty. They need someone who:

• Sets boundaries

• Says no without apologizing

• Makes tough decisions

Leading with friendship can make discipline feel optional. That’s not the vibe you want as a parent.

2.       Friendship is a result of doing your job.

The “friend” title grows from:             

•  Trust

• Safety

• Consistency

Which can be:

• Laughing together

• Talking about real, relatable stuff

• Them actually wanting to be around you – shocking right?

And none of that means you can’t be the authority figure in those moments.

3.       Be emotionally safe, not socially equal

Kids need to think: “I can tell my mom anything,” not “Me and mom are on the same level.”

Even though it may feel like it at times, remember, you aren’t one of their little friends, and there still needs to be boundaries. For instance, some of the music my son plays makes me blush (and not in a good way), but I have a limit. When that limit is reached, I can say to him, “That’s enough,” and he changes the song with no questions asked.

4.       Pick your moments wisely.  

Even with times like car rides, late-night talks and shared interests (music, games, shows, or workouts) there still needs to be a line where you have a zero-tolerance mom mode for disrespect, unsafe conditions and lacking responsibility. Protect those babies – even if they are almost legal – at all costs.

5.       It’s OK to not be liked sometimes.

This is the hardest part. If your kid always likes you, you might be avoiding something (like discipline and structure). Parenting is tough and includes moments when your kids are annoyed, dramatic and convinced you just want to ruin their lives and stop them from having fun. They’ll get over it.

In short: lead with structure, sprinkle in some warmth, and friendship will be created in due time.

When in doubt, parent first and friend later.