Finding the lesson in so-called destruction

I’m sure you’ve seen them, and, if you’re like many, you’ve probably been attacked by one by now.

I’m talking about the dreaded spotted lanternflies.

They are big, invasive, destructive, and they kind of just came out of nowhere and began to take over.

My husband is a truck driver, and about 2 years ago, before they reached Connecticut, he had to take precautions in attempts to not bring them back on his truck. He had to inspect the tractor and trailer, go through special washes and learn to identify all stages of the bug so that he could squish on site. Stories of their destruction were all over the news, and we were told to kill them if we saw them.

Welp, they have made their way here in full effect, and there’s not enough squishing in the world to get rid of them.

My neighbor, has a garden in his yard – so we were forced to share our home with plenty of these critters this past summer. Walking onto our enclosed porch, you are bound to see at least two hanging out on the window screens. We attempted to kill as many as we could, but, as soon as we got rid of one, three more would show up.

Soooo, we just kind of learned to live with them – kind of.

Looking at the spotted lanternfly, it’s has these long thick legs with a big brown body (kind of sounds like I’m describing myself…lol). It’s not the prettiest thing at first, but then, when it spreads it’s wings, a beautiful bright red is displayed on the underside.

In flight, they are sort of gorgeous. The red and yellow flickers under their wings like colorful little helicopters.

And even though, they are here to supposedly destroy the vegetation and trees, I can’t help but to think, what if these insects are here to teach us something?

I know, I know, sounds crazy, but hear me out…

1. Go where you want, even when you're not wanted there.

The lanternfly does not consult the HOA before landing on somebody's tree, and it doesn’t care if it was invited or not. (Bonus perk, it’s illegal for someone to squish you if they don’t like you.) There will be spaces where people don't expect you, don't understand you, or simply don't want you there. That doesn't automatically mean you don't belong.

Message: You don't need everyone's permission to pursue the life you want to live.

2. Take up space.

A spotted lanternfly is not known for being subtle. Once you notice one, suddenly they're everywhere. There's something awesome about refusing to make yourself smaller just because your presence makes someone else uncomfortable.

Message: Stop apologizing for being visible, ambitious, joyful, loud, creative, successful, or different.

3. You don't become who you are all at once. There’s a process.

The lanternfly goes through several stages before becoming the colorful adult insect people recognize, kind of like the caterpillar to butterfly transformation. That's a perfect metaphor for personal growth. Sometimes we're frustrated because we don't look like the finished version of ourselves yet.

Message: Don't despise your current stage because it doesn't look like your final form.

4. Everyone won't see your beauty.

Some people see a lanternfly and immediately reach for a shoe, insect spray or electric fly swatter.

Others see it and think, “That's actually beautiful.”

Same insect. Different reaction.

People will have different opinions of you. Your beauty, gifts, personality, or potential won't be obvious to everyone.

Message: Someone else's inability to appreciate you isn't proof that you're lacking.

5. On the other hand, everyone doesn't deserve to see your true colors.

The lanternfly's brilliant colors aren't visible at every stage. And honestly, neither are ours.

Not everybody deserves access to the most vulnerable, joyful, authentic parts of you. Some people have earned intimacy. Others have earned a quick hey and 3-6 feet of personal space.

Message: Being authentic doesn't mean being completely accessible and open to everyone.

6. Transformation can make you unrecognizable.

The little red bugs you see crawling around aren't the same creature you'll eventually see flying.

Growth can do that. Sometimes people from our past don't recognize us anymore because we're no longer living our lives as the version of ourselves they once knew.

Message: You are allowed to outgrow who you were in the past.

7. Being misunderstood doesn't mean you're doing something wrong.

The lanternfly has a pretty bad reputation. Most people have determined it an unwanted pest, when it actually has a few benefits. They boost late-season honey production with unique medicinal properties; they feed other native insects; and they possibly help control other invasive species.

Sometimes your intentions, personality, or choices will be misunderstood, and people may struggle to see the benefits to having you in their lives. Their loss.

Message: You don't have to spend your entire life correcting everyone's perception of you.

8. Despite the negative rumors or your past, you are worthy.

A thing can be unwanted in one environment and still have beauty, complexity, and purpose.

That's true for people, too. Sometimes, we like to define ourselves by our mistakes, our regrets or our past. We even let people label us at moments. But don’t let those negatives determine your identity. You are still worthy of life. Live it, sis.

Message: The question isn't always, "Why don't they want me?" Sometimes it's, "Why am I measuring my worth by whether they do?"

Do I still sound crazy? Admit it, I’m on to something here right? I know, you don’t have to tell me I did my big one with this one.

Every once in a while, I drop some real gems…

Go ahead and spread your wings - you beautiful lanternfly you!

If you're feeling overwhelmed, you're not alone. Support from a therapist can help you navigate these emotions and find practical ways to care for yourself. The clinicians at New Chapter Counseling Services specialize in supporting women through life transitions, pregnancy, postpartum, and everyday mental health challenges.