Being a “bad” mom sometimes may make me the best mom ever

Y’all ever saw the movie Bad Moms?

Well, I think I would’ve fit right in with the ladies in the movie.

My house is kind of a mess. I don’t want to do anything. The laundry, both clean and dirty, is piling up. And I’m sick of cooking for these people that live in my house.

Y’all, I’m tired.

But the biggest reason someone may question my parenting is what I allow the kids to listen to, watch and say.

Don’t get me wrong, my kids are intelligent, they have goals and aspirations, and they know how to handle themselves in various situations.

How and ever, the music they listen to is stuff I wouldn’t even listen to in front of my mother at my big age. Some of the movies, shows and anime they watch wouldn’t be played on the television with my parents around. And sometimes, they say things that make me wince and say something like, “I promise I didn’t raise them to be like this.”

For every positive point I mentioned earlier, they are also brutally honest, sharp-tongued and a bit unfiltered.

The other day, we were out at dinner with my mother and husband. Hubs asked for the toothpick sword out of my drink, he said he’ll take the orange slice and cherry off the pick. Before I could even respond, my son said “Just don’t pop the cherry.”

My jaw dropped, but everyone else laughed…including my mom. I’ll admit, I chuckled on the inside, but the outer me was an appearance of shock and awe.

I know, it was a good one, which is why I let it slide.

I find that I let a lot of stuff slide, because there are so many other things they could be doing and getting into as two black children being born and raised in the city of Hartford.

There’s drugs, crime and sexual activities – which they aren’t doing any of – to my knowledge at least. So, if they want to say a few curse words here and there or watch something a little bit inappropriate – go for it.

In my mind, I’m teaching them balance and making them understand that there’s a time and place for everything.

I’m a college-educated woman who loves God, but I also enjoy being a little ratchet with my friends. I know how to dress for church, galas and a Cardi B. concert (stylish with a little skin but nothing too provocative).

And my hope is that allowing my offspring to experience some slightly mature content, will teach them how to go from a board room to a Playboi Carti concert with a smooth transition.

I used to be the mom who would give people a small amount of side eye when they were with their children in a place I had labeled as adults-only. But, seeing how my kids have adjusted to various types of life, maybe their kids are just as mature. Who am I to judge?

Now, I smile and think, “Did they know what they were signing up for when they brought their 10-year-old to see Latto and Lizzo or are they surprised to see all this booty on the stage?”

I like to err on the side of they had no clue, but the kids did, and now the parents are sitting in the audience not knowing whether to cover their eyes and ears or walk out and waste their money. It’s just more fun that way.

Ok, now back to my kids.

The other day, I was watching Nick Cannon’s Wild ’N Out with my 14-year-old daughter.  She thought it was hilarious. I filled her in on why they all crack jokes on Nick Cannon and his music/acting career, and she laughed even more. She laughed at the age-appropriate jokes, and she laughed at the jokes I didn’t think she would get.

About 8 episodes in, I mentioned the show was on tour and coming locally, she was like “Wait, that seems like fun. I want to go!”

A quick Google search revealed that there is no real age limit to the show, even though some of the jokes can get a little raunchy. It’s, and I quote, “usually up to the parent’s discretion as long as the venue has no particular age limits.”

Now, I’m sitting here trying to figure out if I want an ultimate mommy/daughter bonding moment by bringing her to see the show.

I know most parents would probably have a visceral no reaction. But, here I am contemplating purchasing tickets for the two of us.

If I bring her, I know I’ll be judged just like how I questioned the parent that brought their young kiddo to a Matt Rife performance. Do I care at this point? Not really.

Because on the other hand, it’ll be another core memory made with her favorite person in the world – ME (in my head at least).

I mean what’s the difference between letting her watch it on TV or watching it in living color?

Probably a lot, because I can only imagine the stuff that can’t air.

Buttttttttt…Who the hell cares? These kids see and hear a lot more in school and on TikTok and Instagram.

I’m about 65% sure I want to bring her, but I’m still technically on the fence, so I’ll give it some more thought.

Until then, my son will continue to make popped cherry jokes, and my daughter will keep being allowed to watch her questionable anime.

They’re cool.

And before you judge me, what are your kids up to? (I’m kidding, but not really.)

If you're feeling overwhelmed, you're not alone. Support from a therapist can help you navigate these emotions and find practical ways to care for yourself. The clinicians at New Chapter Counseling Services specialize in supporting women through life transitions, pregnancy, postpartum, and everyday mental health challenges.